oooh, rights! just what i always wanted!

So, I wasn't going to start this blog until much closer to my move date, but then this happened, and, I dunno, I thought it was kinda relevant.

So gay marriage is legal in California...maybe.  Pending a 30-day waiting period.  Unless the state supreme court decides to grant a stay until November.  When gay marriage could potentially become illegal again if right-wingers succeed in getting their anti-marriage proposition on the ballot and enough people vote for it.

Now, I must say that I was not one of those little girls who started planning my wedding at age seven. When I did have to design my own wedding for a project in 8th grade French class (what kind of message is that sending?), I set it on the moon.

My attitude toward marriage is, at best, conflicted.  I am not at all sure I want to participate in an institution that was developed for the express purpose of enshrining property rights and enforcing gender inequality.  Traditional marriage, at least in this country, involves a lot of traditions that I find somewhat fucked-up.  I have no interest in being "given away" by my father (as if I'm his to give), or in promising to "honor and obey" anyone.  Those particular traditions aside, I have never felt a burning need for my relationship to receive an official governmental stamp of approval.

However, I must admit that when the headline popped up on my New York Times afternoon update, the following thought ran through my head:

Gay marriage is legal in California.  Wait a minute...I'm gay!  And I'm moving to California!  I could get married!

Even though I thought about it some more and realized that I don't particularly need or want to be married at this exact moment in time, I don't think I'm the only gay out there who's had this thought.

It occurred to me that gay marriage is like watching a Joss Whedon show on Fox--you feel like you have to enjoy it now, because you never know when it could be taken away.

Take the nice people in the photo at the top of my post, for example.  The adorable Shelly and Ellen have been together for nearly three and a half decades!  Do you see how they've crossed out the "30" on their sign and made it "34"?  That's because this sign is from four years ago, when gay marriage briefly became legal in San Francisco.  We went through this same thing four years ago.  Shelly and Ellen have already been married once.  Their marriage was declared null and void, along with about 4,000 other peoples'.  If the California courts decide to allow marriages to start after the 30-day waiting period, and then the anti-gay referendum passes in November, Shelly and Ellen could have the distinct pleasure of having their marriage invalidated twice!

Now, there are some people on the left who say we shouldn't be fighting for gay marriage at all. They argue that marriage is an outdated, heteronormative institution.  They make the very valid point that access to many things that affect people's lives, such as health insurance and green cards, shouldn't be linked to marriage at all.

I agree with these arguments in theory.  I think fighting for things such as universal healthcare and less draconian immigration policy is critically important.  I think a law mandating civil unions for all couples, thereby breaking one of this country's deepest links between church and state, would be a great idea.  (For some reason, such a bill has yet to be introduced in Congress.)

Whether or not you think we should be fighting for gay marriage does not change the fact that a fight is going on.  And when I look at Shelly and Ellen, and then I look at some of the people who want to amend California's constitution to make gay marriage illegal, I have no doubt as to which side I'm on.

I think there are lots of people who have strong, healthy, long-term relationships and never feel the need to get married. And there are lots of people who get married for the wrong reasons and end up miserable. There are many reasons people decide to get married, or decide not to get married. "Does the government allow it?" shouldn't be one of them.

A lot of things are still up in the air regarding the situation in California.  One thing is certain, though: I will be registering to vote in California as soon as humanly possible!

peace out for now,

Laura